The Rights of Friendship

Friendship lights up our lives

We are a group of 10 college friends who have been in touch with each other for the past 35 years. We meet once a year at one of our homes and we look forward to this day with great excitement! It is usually a mid–morning to evening affair with lunch served by the host. It takes weeks of planning, sometimes even months, if one of them has plans to visit India. It has been long since all ten of us met together because four live abroad. 

Still, for those of us who are able to make it, it is a day filled with lots of laughter, teasing, sharing, and caring.  We are all in the early 50’s, having graduated together from a women’s college. For each other though, we are just 17 years old, the same age we were when we all met. Many of our kids are married, a few in our group are grandmoms as well, but anyone who watches our banter would wonder if we are even grown-ups!  We are fortunate to be happy, enthusiastic people with interesting stories to share.

There is usually this one friend Ms. M, who claims to be ‘too busy at work’ and cannot make the time to meet, though she lives in the same city. This time too when she said she might not be able to make it for the get-together, feisty Ms. R would not hear of it. “We meet once a year and you are saying you are going to miss it? What is wrong with you? You have to come and that is an order “, she declared.

What another friend said to this is worth sharing and it sealed the deal. She said – Dosti ke haq ke liya ladna mohabbat hai.

 Translated it means – “To fight for your rights in friendship ….is love.”

It is all right in friendships to step up and insist that our friends make the time to meet and spend time together. To reminisce about good times further creates beautiful memories. When we laugh and listen to each other as we share our highs and lows with old friends, we feel valued and cared for. We learn to appreciate each other even more for what we have grown to become. Time just flies by as we discuss our hobbies and share tips on mindfulness, health and many other topics.

By being a little more courageous and proactive in our friendships, we show that we care. We must do what is good for the other, not just for ourselves. Simple gestures like picking up the phone and calling friends to wish them on their birthdays or anniversaries rather than sending them emojis on WhatsApp is a wonderful way of showing love. It brings a lot of positivity to both giver and receiver.

Friendship also means that we do not gossip about each other ever, we respect each other’s belief systems and sensitivities. We are empathetic and understanding if anyone has any worries.  We are allowed to use humour to brush off anything that is being taken more seriously than it should be.

We need to invest time and effort to enjoy our friendships and keep them lively and strong. The look in a friend’s eyes and the energy (or lack of it) in their voice conveys more than words on text messages ever would, if we actually look into their eyes and listen to their voices. Sadly, these days friendships are mostly over phone screens. 

Humans only need food, water, air and shelter to survive. But as C.S. Lewis said “Friendship has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

This article was originally published in The Hindu Sunday Magazine Open Page on November 12th 2023. The link is below:

https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/the-rights-of-friendship/article67525282.ece

What feelings does this post bring to you? How do you keep your friendships alive and strong?

What do you wish you should have done to retain a friendship that you lost ?

Do share in the comments below ! :))

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6 comments

Tejesh P Reddy November 15, 2023 - 7:51 PM
It's such a wonderful article. I will follow this blog from now. I was inspired to start my own blog after reading "About Me" and other articles. I had a big smile on my face reading that you are still in touch after 35 years and even meet periodically. What more do we need from life than these small things? This reminds me again that age is just a number, and we all are very similar despite significant age differences, and we all still have the child in us alive even when we grow older. I feel like as we grow older, we change a lot and think we have lost our old selves, but in truth, once we meet those old people and simulate those old days, the old version in us still comes back (like the old version of us still there inside us, though hidden.). And this is a great feeling to experience. "Dosti ke haq ke liya ladna mohabbat hai." Very true. I didn't give maintaining friendships much priority. But after reading this, I feel like I need to invest some time and effort and be more courageous and proactive to maintain my friendships, and it is time well spent. Yes, It is mentioned by Cal Newport in his book "Digital Minimalism" how it is way better to call than text, and you phrased it well. Thanks for writing this, keep writing more :)
Roopa November 15, 2023 - 8:40 PM
Dear Tejesh ! Wonderful to read your comment! :)) Am happy you had so many takeaways from this post. Yes, absolutely, interacting with old friends brings back/refreshes the child in us. Indeed you should start your blog and share your thoughts and experiences ! Thanks a lot for your encouragement.
Syamsundar November 15, 2023 - 9:07 PM
It's great 10 friends are meeting at least once in a year and remembering their teenage memories.
Roopa November 16, 2023 - 2:04 PM
Yes, Syamsundar garu ! :) Thanks for the comment.
Shehla November 16, 2023 - 3:10 PM
Hey Roopa! Very well written article. Friends along with the family and community are the best people to make us evolve as a person and a human being,they give us the right criticism ,unconditional support and love .
Roopa November 17, 2023 - 3:25 PM
Thanks so much Shehla ! :)) Yes ! True what you say ! I believe in a good friendship, there should be enough openness to give and receive honest feedback in the right spirit to help each other grow!
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